mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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