So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
