I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
