So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize