I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
