Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
