if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There are leaves in my underwear?
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