when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
