Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
