I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's the barista slut.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
