My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone