this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid