We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.