my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day