And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
