There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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