I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
