yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
