Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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