I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
