Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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