I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
