i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
