Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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