Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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