It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
