I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
