she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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