dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
