only you would photoshop your dick
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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