being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I forget how to act sober
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