Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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