He had one of those small greek statue penises
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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