If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
