i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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