I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
