I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
