i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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