I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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