Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
