I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
