She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
