if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
