I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
