Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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