That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
