I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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