her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
