theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize