Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
