I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Im part way to drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
