hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
