I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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