New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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