Define "chronic" masturbator.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
