ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
