I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
