turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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