Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i came on her dog
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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