no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
