At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
