I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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