Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
